


Tomato Red

by PurplePatchwork



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 17:13:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3737023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurplePatchwork/pseuds/PurplePatchwork
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of Snow White which we all know and love, now with a foul-mouthed Italian as the lead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Once Upon a Time

**Author's Note:**

> In which Lovino wears a dress.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lovino wears a dress.

Once upon a time, there was a kingdom far, far away. This kingdom was ruled by a man named Grandpa Rome. Grandpa Rome had a beautiful daughter (son), and they were happy. But one day, the great king felt that his time was running out. Thus he decided to marry a person who could take care of his little Lovino until the child was old enough to rule the kingdom. That person was named Feliks.

It was one year after the marriage of Rome and Feliks that Grandpa Rome passed away, and Lovino was left under the care of his new “stepmother”. There was just one problem: the two didn't get along one single bit.

"You should totally go clean your room!" Feliks would say, sitting in his throne and giving himself a manicure.

"Don't wanna," Lovino would reply.

At this, Feliks let the guards take him up to his room. Lovino however, did not want to go down without a fight. He picked up the tomato he was eating and threw it straight at Felik's face. He was already pissed enough about having to wear women's clothes, dammit! (Whenever he had tried asking _why_ , Grandpa Rome had just picked up a new topic, always evading the question). At this, the other let out an indignant scream.

"Like, you totally ruined my new outfit! You're going to pay for this! No food for you tonight!" Feliks whined.

"No way!" Lovino shouted back, horrified.

Having to go without dinner was way worse than some stupid cleaning. The guards brought him to his room, where he threw himself upon his bed, pouting. "Stupid bastard…when I'm king, I'll show him…"

Lovino did not know a worse fate was awaiting him. While he was sulking, Feliks had taken a bath, and after putting on a nice dress (from his secret collection), he entered a hidden room under the castle. There, Feliks had stored away his most prized possession, a magic mirror, that could only tell the truth. Feliks positioned himself in front of the mirror, one hand on his hip, and spoke the words: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most fabulous of them all?"

In the mirror, the visage of a woman became clear. "Good afternoon, master," Elizabeta spoke. She re-adjusted her dress before she continued. "To answer your question; you look gorgeous darling! Nobody's more fabulous than you."

"Awww, thanks! You always know what to say!" Feliks tittered, blushing at the compliments but beaming with self-confidence.

He and Elizabeta had a little chitchat about an outlet in one of their favourite stores, before Feliks sent her away and made his way back up the stairs. He was the most beautiful of the entire kingdom, and nobody could deny it! At least, not if they didn't want to be crushed under the weight of his rocket-driven country.

* * *

While Feliks was paying a visit to his mirror, Lovino had snuck out of his room and was now heading towards the vegetable garden. There had to be some nice tomatoes over there to satisfy his tummy! The Italian whistled his Delicious Tomato song while kneeling down to look at the tomatoes. Ah, they were just perfect! He didn't notice that a stranger had stopped at the gates of the castle's gardens. This visitor had heard someone whistle, and the sound had drawn him in. A man named Antonio opened the gate and snuck up to the unknowing Lovino, who was happily picking his favourite fruit/vegetable. (Seriously though, has it been decided yet under which category it falls?)

Lovino felt a presence behind him, and glanced over his shoulder. "What the hell are you doing here, you bastard?!" he shrieked.

The other jumped a little, and then put his hands up in an apologetic gesture. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you!"

But Lovino had already begun throwing tomatoes at him. "Get the fuck out!"

Antonio shielded his head with his arms, and kept talking. "I'm really sorry! It's just that I heard you whistle and it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard!"

At this, Lovino stopped the attack. He blushed a little, and was suddenly very aware that he was wearing a dress. Why on earth did that stupid good-for-nothing grandfather and son-of-a-bitch Feliks have to make him wear women's clothing?

"That's still no excuse for you to enter private property!" Lovino snapped, hiding his embarrassment.

Antonio smiled, happy that the other was no longer throwing tomatoes at him. "I just couldn't help myself. Would you please tell me your name, my angel?"

"Shut up!" Lovino spat out, his face heating up even more.

This man was very strange, and yet, in a weird way, charming. Lovino had no idea how to deal with him. The only option was making him leave. So this time, he prepared himself to throw the biggest tomato in his arsenal at the intruder. Before he could throw it though, the intruder grabbed his arm.

"This tomato is far too beautiful to be thrown at some random guy!" he said.

Lovino paused. So the guy liked tomatoes, huh? Interesting.

"What do you know about it?"

"I only know that a tomato this big has to be given a lot of love."

Antonio looked up innocently, his eyes sparkling and his lips slightly curled into a cute smile. Lovino felt his heart speeding up. Even though he was an intruder, a man that loved tomatoes this much couldn't be a bad person. On the other hand…

The Italian lifted up the tomato and shoved it in Antonio's face.

"Now get out, you tomato bastard!" He pushed him to the gate, and then locked it from the inside. Before he could turn around, a hand grabbed his wrist.

"Wait! I still don't know your name!"

Geez, this guy just didn't know when to give up, did he?

"It's Lovino," he muttered, before pulling away his arm and racing back to the castle.

When he turned around the corner, he pushed himself against the wall and placed a hand on his heart, which was beating at a thousand miles an hour by now. His face had to be as red as the tomato he had just wasted on the weirdo. Lovino completely forgot the fact that he wouldn't be having any dinner tonight.


	2. Woe Is Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Feliks has a major freak-out and Ludwig thinks Lovino is pitiable.

Lovino and Feliks were having breakfast. That is, Feliks was doing his hair and Lovino was eating. The Italian couldn't concentrate however, the meeting of the day before still haunting his thoughts. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw that smiling face floating across his inner eye. He didn't want to admit it, but that guy…he had something, that's for sure.

"Today I want you to clean up the castle. But keep your filthy self out of my closet, okay?"

Lovino nodded, not exactly paying attention.

A little later, Lovino was standing in front of Feliks' closet. He vaguely remembered something being said about the damn thing. Was it "go in and do your work as my maid", or "go in and you'll never see the daylight again"? He shrugged and opened the door.

Feliks' closet was bigger than his own room. There were rows and rows of shoes, all of his clothes ordered by brand, and a special rack in the back of the room with his own dresses. Lovino smiled when he recognized all of the Italian brands.

"Well, here goes nothing!"

Feliks was abruptly awoken from his beauty slumber by a loud crashing noise and a lot of cursing. He hurried over to the source, eyes growing wide when he approached the door to his closet. He burst into the room, and was astonished at what he saw there. His charge was standing in the middle of the room, and he was surrounded by fallen racks and clothes spread all over the floor. Feliks' eye twitched, something he normally didn't do because it made his face look ugly. But now, the guy had gone too far.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" he shrieked.

"It was an accident," Lovino mumbled. This stuff always happened! The one time he actually tried to clean like he was told, he made a mess. Feliks should know this by now. But right now, the man could not be reasoned with.

"GET OUT!" he yelled, big soppy tears rolling down his cheeks. "AND DON'T EVER SET FOOT IN MY PRECIOUS CLOSET AGAIN!"

* * *

After having had his room cleaned, and taking a lot of pills to calm him down and a long, relaxing bath, Feliks could talk without freaking out again. It was time to pay a visit to his precious mirror to calm his nerves. The blond made his way down, while thinking about his ponies for a soothing effect.

"Mirror, I need you like right now!"

Feliks was too stressed to use his normal way of addressing the magic mirror. Still, Elizabeta appeared. "Yes master? I must say, you look a little out of it darling."

"Yes, yes, I know! Please tell me I'm still the most fabulous of them all!"

Elizabeta went silent. After about a minute had passed, Feliks looked at her.

"What? Hurry up, I need my daily dose of compliments! All this stress is bad for the skin, you know."

Elizabeta looked away awkwardly, playing with her hair.

"Speak up!" he yelled, once again losing his cool.

"Lovino is absolutely stunning!" the woman spat out.

He stared at her, not even able to blink. "…What?"

"He's like, super cute! He wears dresses all the time, and he has gorgeous big eyes, and now that he's fallen in love he just lights up, you know?"

Feliks was shocked.

"Fallen in love?" was the only question he could ask right now, his mind not able to comprehend what was going on.

"Oh yes, with prince Antonio! They just make the cutest couple! I so want to go to their wedding, Lovino is the cutest thing ever when he blushes!"

Elizabeta stopped rambling when she saw the look on her master's face.

"OH MY GOD! ARE YOU LIKE, ABSOLUTELY SERIOUS! YOU TRAITOR!"

She tried to calm him down, but it was too late. The second mental breakdown in one day pushed him over the edge. Ruining his clothes was one thing, but stealing his spot as the most beautiful guy of them all? Lovino had to pay.

* * *

Feliks sat on his throne, fingers ticking nervously against his cheek. His servants had done everything they could think of to try and cool him down, but it was all in vain. Now, he had called for his BFF to come and make an end to the source of all his problems.

"You called, sir?" Toris asked.

"Yes, darling! I'm like, in big pain right now, and you're the only one who can help me!"

Toris raised an eyebrow, but nodded. What was the guy up to this time? Seriously, if he wasn't the king, Toris would've told the guy he was crazy a long time ago. Still, he cared for his friend, so he continued to listen.

"I want you to get rid of Lovino."

The room was filled with silence.

"…Could you repeat that?" Toris asked, not sure if he'd heard right.

"You have to get rid of Lovino! I'm not doing it, I don't want to ruin my nails! That guy has gone too far this time, he's like, totally ruining my stunning looks!"

Still, the other did not get ready to leave.

"Like, what are you waiting for? Go now, so I can try to get some rest!"

The guards guided Toris out of the castle, and shut the door behind him. The man blinked a few times, before putting his head in his hands.

"Dear God, what did I do to deserve this?"

* * *

Lovino had been sent out to pick some mushrooms. He was seriously mad right now. "Not my fault his room is so fucking stuffed with clothes…anyone would've knocked something over…didn't have to freak out that much…stupid bastard…" he mumbled to himself.

He didn't notice a figure approaching him from behind. It was Ludwig, the prime hunter around these parts. Toris had hired him to do all the dirty work. He wasn't planning to kill anyone, no siree! The sturdy blond stealthily made his way to the kneeling man (woman in his eyes), his gun loaded in his hands. He wasn't exactly fond of killing the innocent, but he had to follow his orders. He did find it peculiar that a girl was sitting at the edge of the woods all by herself. The girl was saying something, but he couldn't quite make out what it was. But that didn't matter, in a few moments time she would be forcibly shut up. Ludwig readied himself to end this all, but at that moment Lovino had noticed him.

"FUCKING—what the fuck are you doing?!"

Ludwig paused. The look of utter horror on her face made him doubt his actions. She was breathing heavily, and the curl on her head looked just as frightened as she was herself, trembling heavily. Ludwig grunted and lowered his gun. He couldn't do it. It was his duty to protect little girls, not to kill them.

"Dammit! I cannot kill you after all!"

Lovino blinked a few times. "What the fuck, you potato bastard!" Somehow, the name felt just about right.

"You must run away and never return! I was sent to kill you, but I can't!"

Lovino tried to say something, but the German lifted him up and pushed him into the forest. Lovino tripped and started rolling down the hill.

"Damn you bastaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard!" were his last words before disappearing out of hearing-range.

Ludwig smiled. Somehow, the girl had reminded him of someone that looked quite familiar. But that didn't matter. He had done his good deed of the day, and had saved this girl from a certain death! Now to report back to Toris…


	3. The Seven Chibis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Feliks is grossed out, Antonio rides a bull and Lovino ends up with the seven chibis.

Toris stood before Feliks. "The deed is done, your majesty."

"Wonderful!" Feliks exclaimed happily.

"I have cut out his heart to prove to you that he is dead," Toris continued.

He hadn't actually done this, but knowing Feliks the guy would never figure that out. And indeed, at hearing this, the blond stared at him with a look of disgust on his face.

"Eeeeeeewwww, why on earth would you do that? That's like, totally major gross! Get rid of it right now!"

"As you wish sir."

Toris smiled to himself as he turned around and exited the room. Fooling Feliks was as easy as stealing candy from a baby.

* * *

Antonio was riding his trustworthy bull while playing on his guitar and singing a song about his new-found love.

"He has such beautiful eyes!" the Spaniard sang happily. "I want to caress the curl on his head and make him mine!"

The bull rolled his eyes and kept walking.

"I love the way he calls me a tomato bastard!"

Antonio had it bad. He was in love with a guy wearing a dress and with the foulest mouth humanly possible. Antonio and his noble steed merrily continued their journey along the river, having nothing but loving thoughts for the Italian.

* * *

Lovino was getting sick of walking through the woods. His dress had been torn apart by all the branches and his feet were hurting pretty badly.

"Damn that potato bastard…I have no idea where I am right now…"

He jumped at a sudden noise. Startled, he decided to pick up the pace. There had to be someone around here who could give him some directions…

Suddenly, the brunette reached an open area. In the middle of some beautiful sunflowers stood a small house. Lovino thankfully pushed the flowers out of his way and went towards the house. Finally!

He knocked, but got no response. He was too tired of it all to be ignored, dammit! Angrily, he pushed against the wood. To his surprise, the door easily gave away. He stepped inside and looked around.

"Is somebody there?" he called out.

When he got no response, Lovino looked around in the kitchen. He found some bread and meat, and made himself a sandwich. It was no pasta or tomatoes, but at least he could finally get some food into his system. After the meal, he was so tired he almost couldn't stand anymore. His legs dragged him up the stairs and into the first room he could find. There were seven little beds in the room. He threw himself across four of the beds, too tired to do anything else. He would thank the owners for letting him stay here whenever they showed up, he thought before sinking away in a dreamless slumber.

* * *

Seven tiny people were on their way home after a long day of hard work. Well, most of them had worked hard. The little Feliciano had spent most of his time cooking pasta, while Gilbert had bragged about his awesomeness. Alfred stretched his body and let out a big yawn.

"Man, the hero did a good job today!"

The others ignored him and continued on their way home. Suddenly, Kiku, who was at the front of the line, stopped walking. Alfred, who wasn't paying attention, walked right into him.

"Hey, what did you stop for?" Alfred asked, spread out over the ground and now searching for his glasses.

"There is somebody in our house," Kiku simply said.

"How do you know?" Feliciano asked him.

"My ninja senses are tingling," Kiku explained.

Little Ivan noticed some of his precious sunflowers bent over, and a really creepy smile crept upon his face. "Someone will pay for this," he said, hands tightening around his faucet.

All seven of them cautiously walked up to their home.

"We mustn't go through the front door! What if they expect us to do so?" a voice said wisely.

All of them were wondering who had said this, but the voice did have a point.

"I'll get in through the chimney! Those assholes will never think of a surprise attack like that! Don't worry, the hero will save you all!" Alfred said proudly.

"Let me take care of it instead, my awesomeness will frighten them away in a second!" Gilbert cried out.

"Maybe I could go first, and give them a lovely welcome!" Francis opted, an excited grin gracing his features.

Before they could argue with each other, Ivan had opened the door and wandered inside. The other six quietly awaited some sort of struggle or screaming, but nothing came.

"You can come in!" the little Russian called from inside.

The others crept in, checking their surroundings. Nobody.

"Hey Kiku, you should work on those ninja senses of yours!" Gilbert cackled.

"I think it's a shame nobody's here. What if it were a beautiful girl?" little Francis sighed.

"At least it's nobody scary!" Feliciano said, shivering.

Before anyone could react, they heard a noise coming from upstairs.

"A burglar!" Feliciano shrieked.

"I was right!" Kiku huffed.

"The hero will defend you!" were Alfred's heroic words.

"I will take care of it, _da_?" Ivan said with the same creepy smile.

"Maybe it's a lady!" Francis drooled.

"The awesome me will lead the attack!" Gilbert exclaimed.

"Wait!" the strange voice shouted. All of them looked around to see a strange boy sitting in the middle of the room, a plush polar bear in his arms.

"Who are you, you intruder!" Alfred yelled at him.

"I'm Matthew, your brother…" the boy sighed.

"Nonsense! We would know something if Alfred had a brother!" Francis said angrily.

"But I am…"

They were interrupted by a new noise from upstairs. It sounded like…snoring?

"Forget about him, the intruder is our biggest worry right now!" Gilbert said.

"Let's go kick him out!" they yelled, before running up the stairs. They made their way into the bedroom, where they saw a sleeping figure spread over four of their beds.

"On three, we'll attack him!" Alfred whispered.

They agreed and readied their weapon. Feliciano held out a white flag, Kiku drew his katana, Gilbert swung his sword, Alfred had his fists, Ivan had his faucet, Francis would attack with the power of love, and Matthew wisely chose not to participate in the assault.

"One…two…thr—" Before Alfred could finish, Francis had laid a hand across his mouth.

"What are you doing?" he hissed, but the blond climbed on top of the bed.

"It IS a lady! Ohnhonhonhonhon, and what a pretty one indeed! We should not attack her, there are much better things that can be done with this beautiful creature!"

While Francis was rehearsing a round of “Be My Guest”, temporarily forgetting that this was a different fairy tale,, Lovino awoke from his slumber.

"Look, it's awake! Attack!" Alfred yelled, but Ivan gave him a little tap of the head to shut him up. Result: Alfred was now knocked out.

"What the—" Lovino sat up abruptly, staring at the seven boys surrounding him. "Who the hell are you bastards?" he asked rather rudely, considering this was their house after all.

"We could ask the same of you! Breaking into other people's houses is so un-awesome!" Gilbert growled, an angry look on his face.

"I didn't break in, the door was open! It's your damn fault for leaving the house unprotected!" Lovino snapped while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Francis pulled a perfectly conserved rose out of his pocket and gave it to the girl/guy in his bed, ignoring his outburst. "Excuse my rude colleagues, and allow me to welcome you in our home!"

Lovino awkwardly accepted the rose, but pulled away when Francis tried to kiss his hand. "Don't touch me, you little wine bastard!" How did he keep coming up with such fitting nicknames?

"You look like you could use some food! I'm Feliciano, and I shall be cooking your dinner tonight!"

"But first you must pay for my sunflowers!"

"Sneaking in is still un-awesome!"

They all started shouting, giving Lovino a headache.

"Does nobody want to hear my opinion?" a small voice asked.

All of them looked around confused. Suddenly, Francis yelled: "Wait a minute, there is one too many of us! Who is this intruder?!"

Matthew face-palmed.

"…I guess I should be going now," Lovino said, growing tired of their shouting.

"Wait!" Francis yelled. "Everyone, gather round!"

The seven made a circle and began whispering, so that Lovino couldn't overhear their conversation.

"We should keep her!" Francis said.

"Yeah, she could do all our chores for us!" Prussia added.

"As long as she stays away from my sunflowers, a new friend would be nice," Ivan said dreamily.

"And it wouldn't be friendly to just send her away!" Feliciano added, thinking that maybe he'd found somebody to share his love for cooking with.

"All right, let's do it!" Alfred proclaimed excitedly, now fully recovered from being unconscious.

Matthew was ignored, as expected. They all turned around, and Gilbert stepped forward. "Right, from today on you're our slave! Err, I mean our guest!"

"We would be happy to have you here," Kiku said with a short bow.

"Please stay!" Feliciano asked with the biggest puppy eyes he could muster.

Lovino looked at him and sighed. Somehow, the little guy looked familiar, and he just couldn't refuse his offer. "Fine, I'll stay."

"Yahoo!" They all were happy, knowing they had someone to do all of their work for them.

What a mistake, right?


	4. Buono Tomato

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lovino makes some pasta, Feliks becomes a model and everybody gets a kiss.

It hadn't been a day, not even twenty-four hours, and already the boys were sick and tired of their new guest. He had already broken all of their plates, did nothing but lay around the house and curse whenever they asked him to do a chore, he was rude, stubborn, and no fun at all. The only one who genuinely seemed to like Lovino was the little Feliciano, who had taken his 3 o'clock nap in the company of the older Italian.

"Everyone, I want to have a word with you!" Gilbert yelled when Lovino had accidently knocked over his beer (actually it was soda, but the kid liked to pretend it was beer). They stuck their heads together for a little meeting.

"I'm getting sick of having that girl around!" the albino hissed (yes, they still thought Lovino was a girl, despite his colourful vocabulary and the only girly thing about him being his dress).

"No way, having a girl around is wonderful!" Francis protested.

"I agree with Gilbert! She's caused nothing but trouble for us!" Alfred pouted.

"And she ruined my sunflowers!" Ivan added, unforgiving about that particular fact.

"Yes…she's invading my personal space," Kiku said, looking quite uncomfortable.

"But…I like her…" Feliciano whined.

"She's our guest! It would be mean to just send her out into the woods all by herself," Matthew said. Everybody looked at him in confusion, which he ignored. "I say we give her another chance!"

They were about to protest, when a strange sound caught their ears. It came from the kitchen. They all poked their head around the corner, only to find Lovino there. He was cooking pasta with tomato sauce, while humming his favourite "Delicious Tomato" song. They were mesmerized by his beautiful voice, and forgot all about their complaints. The fragrances that drifted from the pots and pans made their stomachs rumble with anticipation. Lovino noticed their presence and turned around with what could be interpreted as a smile.

"Dinner is ready!"

After dinner, they all happily agreed their guest could stay.

* * *

Feliks was skipping down the stairs. Now that Lovino was out of the way, it was time to reclaim his place as the number one most gorgeous guy of the kingdom. He had put on his nicest clothes, and felt stunning.

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most fabulous of them all?" he asked, a confident grin on his face.

Elizabeta appeared, accompanied by an uneasy smile. "Oh sir, it's you!" she said nervously.

"Well duh, who else would it be?" Feliks replied impatiently. "Now hurry up, I'm dying for my daily dose of compliments! And make it extra flattering, since I didn't get any yesterday!" he ordered.

Elizabeta played with her hair before quietly mumbling something.

"What was that? You gotta like, speak up or I can't understand you!" the blond said, getting more irritated as time went by.

Elizabeta swallowed and decided to get this over with. "I'm sorry sir, but Lovino is still my favourite."

Feliks was frozen, a look of disgust on his face. His eyes narrowed dangerously. "You're lying."

"I can't lie, sir," Elizabeta simply replied.

"Then do you mind telling how a dead person can be more fab than me?" Feliks hissed.

"Because he's not dead."

Feliks felt his temperature rise. So his BFF had lied to him? How could he! They'd been best friends for like, ever! And now he had betrayed him! Feliks almost punched Elizabeta in the face, but he was not a very violent person, and punching a mirror wouldn't do him any good.

"Where is he?"

"He now lives in the forest with six—no, seven little children," Elizabeta replied.

Great. What was he to do now? At that moment, an idea began forming in his head.

"Get my magician," he commanded, calming down and smiling creepily.

* * *

"What the bloody hell did you call me here for?" Arthur asked, clearly annoyed at having been summoned.

"I'm like, your king, so I can summon you whenever I want!" Feliks replied. "I have a task for you!" he then continued.

"A task, you say?" Arthur asked in a monotone voice. Whenever Feliks had a task for him, it never meant anything good. Last time, he had ordered him to make the entire kingdom fly so he could punish a country they were at war with by squashing them. Luckily, his friend Toris had been able to talk him out of it.

"I want you to make a poisonous tomato for me!"

"…Don't you mean a poisonous apple?" Arthur asked, sure he'd misheard.

"Nope, a tomato. In this case, a tomato would be like, much more effective."

The magician nodded, not sure what he meant by that. Who was the tomato for? Nevertheless, he did as he was told.

"Here you go, sir. Any other requests?"

"Yes, I want you to transform me so that nobody would be able to recognize me," Feliks said, flipping his hair.

Arthur nodded, he knew just the right spell for that. "Then I shall turn you into a witch—"

"DEAR GOD NO!" Feliks shouted, horrified.

"Bloody hell!" the Brit said with a shaky voice. The outburst had nearly given him a heart attack!

"There is no way you're going to turn me into a disgusting old lady! No, I mean something like a model or a famous celebrity!"

Arthur sighed. Of course, what was he thinking? Feliks would never let himself be turned into such an ugly creature.

"One model coming up sir."

* * *

It was morning at the house of the seven little boys and their guest. After a peaceful night (not so peaceful for Francis, who had tried to kiss Lovino and had woken up with a black eye as a result), the children had to leave for another day of work.

"I'll make pasta when you get home," Lovino said unwillingly.

He loved cooking, but he was bad at showing affection towards others. The boys didn't mind though. Except…

"What are you staring at?" Lovino asked, when he'd noticed the kids weren't preparing to leave.

"Aren't you gonna kiss us goodbye?" Alfred suddenly asked.

"Yeah!" they all said.

Lovino blushed a bit and was about to say no, but then he felt a tugging at his skirt. Little Feliciano looked up with hopeful eyes. It was the first time Lovino had seen him with eyes wide open. They were light brown, like a mix of honey and amber. The Italian just couldn't refuse such beauties.

"Sure," he simply said, lowering himself to kiss the boy on the top of his head.

Immediately, the others lined up to receive their share of Lovino's affection. One by one, he gave them a small kiss. Francis almost tried to kiss him on the lips again, but Lovino simply picked him up and threw him out the door.

"Now it's ze Awesome Me's turn!" Gilbert laughed. As Lovino gave him his kiss, he went quiet and his cheeks turned a nice shade of pink.

"Ha, not so loud now huh, you little brat?" the brunette teased him.

Gilbert shot and angry glare at the Italian, but quietly walked away.

Kiku reacted in a similar way, except with less anger and more blushing, and Matthew's turn somehow never came. Afterwards, they all happily went to work, while Lovino stayed at home.

"Well…what the hell do I do now?" he said to himself.


	5. True Love's Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which…well, I guess you know what happens next.

Lovino had been taking a nap when somebody knocked on the door. "Coming!" he shouted, annoyed that his sleep had been disturbed.

When he opened the door, a beautiful woman stood before him. She looked somewhat familiar, but Lovino's mind was too occupied to be noticing it.

" _Ciao bella_!" he said, sounding a lot more charming than usually the case, and completely forgetting the fact he was wearing a dress.

"Oh, stop it! I'm selling tomatoes, would you like some?" the woman asked innocently, batting her green eyes up at him.

It was official, Lovino was having an excellent day.

"I would like that very much! In fact, give me all of them!" the Italian kept grinning like an idiot. The woman happily handed over her basket to him.

"And this one is on the house." She handed him a perfect-looking tomato; big, round and a deep-red. Lovino's eyes went big as he examined the beauty in his hands.

"Thank you miss! In fact, would you like to come in for a drink? I just can't accept this gift without something in return!"

The woman shook her head and smiled.

"No need at all! I just ask of you to take a bite out of it, see if it tastes as good as it looks like."

Lovino couldn't say no to that offer. It was almost a shame to eat this perfect specimen, but refusing would be rude to the lady. So he opened his mouth and took a big bite out of the juicy flesh. "Delicious!" he wanted to say, but something got stuck in his throat. His eyes went wide with fear as he started choking.

"How is it dear?" the woman asked, an evil grin playing around her lips.

Lovino fell to his knees, hands over his throat. He soon lost consciousness, the tomato rolling over the floor.

Feliks in disguise laughed. "That's what you get for trying to take my throne!"

After this, he started heading back to the castle, a skip in his step. "I did it! Oh magic mirror, I'm coming home!" he said in a sing-song voice.

* * *

Upon arriving at the castle, a surprise awaited Feliks. Arthur, Toris and Elizabeta-in-the-mirror were all staring at him with quite an angry look. And then there was the most surprising thing of all. In front of them stood the Grandpa Rome.

"Roma, you're back!" Feliks cooed.

"…Who are you?" Rome asked confused, not recognizing him the way he looked now.

"That's your ex-husband!" Arthur whispered to him.

"Oh, so you're the one I'm supposed to be mad at right now?" he said, frowning.

"Mad?" Feliks asked innocently. Then he shook his head. "That aside, how come you're here? I thought you'd died, darling!"

"This guy over here brought me back for a little while," Rome said while pointing at Arthur. "He said something about you going after my grandson?"

Feliks paused, nervous sweat breaking out. Did they seriously tell on him? Not cool. Not only that, they'd made him sweat, and sweat was gross!

"I don't know what you're talk—"

"Silence!" Rome roared.

Feliks jumped. Rome didn't get angry easily, so this was serious.

"I'm sorry sir, but I just couldn't agree with your actions anymore," Elizabeta apologised quietly.

"When I heard who you were after, I knew who to call," Arthur added.

Toris said nothing. Even though he liked Lovino, he didn't want to betray his friend. Now, it was too late for regrets.

"You'll be punished for this!" Rome shouted.

"Kyaaaaaaaa!" Feliks shrieked.

* * *

The seven boys were astonished. Upon returning home, they had found the lifeless body of their guest. Not only was it unexpected, it was also unbelievable. Why? How? When? They had no answers. Feliciano and Kiku cried, the Japanese showing his feelings for the first time, Ivan for once didn't smile, Gilbert and Alfred went silent, and Francis just stood there blinking, not being able to comprehend.

"I think we should bury her," Matthew said, and for once they knew exactly who he was.

* * *

Antonio was exploring the forest. He had remembered seeing sunflowers in the middle of the forest on one of his expeditions, and had decided to go pick some for his lovely Lovino. He plucked the strings of his guitar, and tried to hum the song Lovino had sung the other time. Suddenly, he heard a noise. It sounded like…someone was crying.

The Spaniard entered the open space in the forest where the seven lived. He ignored the house and went around it, heading straight towards the crying. He arrived upon what looked like a burial. Seven children where gathered around a glass coffin, paying their last respects. Antonio slipped of the bull and quietly walked over to them, so as not to disturb them. It was then that he saw just who they were burying.

"No…" he whispered.

It couldn't be true. Ivan noticed his presence, but said nothing as Antonio walked over to the coffin.

"It's not true…"

The children stepped aside to let him through. It was clear he knew their guest, maybe more than they did.

"Lovino?" Antonio asked in a tiny voice.

Kiku laid a hand on his arm. The brunette looked down into his eyes.

" _Gomenasai_ ," Kiku said to him.

Antonio didn't answer. He was on the verge of crying. This was not real. It was just a dream or something. But as he looked at Kiku and felt the little hand on his elbow, his heart knew the truth.

"Can I…" he began, voice thick with tears. He swallowed and started over. "Can I kiss him? As a goodbye?"

The kids didn't exactly know who this “he” was, but they didn't want to argue with this stranger who clearly cared about Lovino.

"Go ahead," Matthew told him.

Antonio bent over the coffin and took off the lid. He looked at the face of the man he had loved for only a little over two days. But it was more than enough for his heart to feel like breaking.

Lovino looked so peaceful right now. Careful, as not to disturb his eternal slumber, Antonio brought his face closer to the man beneath him. He softly placed his lips upon the other's, forever etching the feeling of the touch into his memories. He sighed as he let go, tears spilling out of his eyes by now. He stood back up and tried to stop crying, but it was no use. One does not lose the love of his life on a daily basis.

The Spaniard was about to turn around and leave this place of sad memories, when he heard a soft sigh. Not believing his ears, he looked down. Colour was slowly returning to Lovino's face, and he took a shaky breath. Antonio stared at him, dumbfounded. Were his senses betraying him? Lovino slowly opened his eyes, revealing their brown loveliness. He looked up, furrowing his brow.

"…What are you doing here, you tomato bastard?" he asked, charming as ever.

"Lovino!" Antonio yelled at the top of his lungs, before bending over and roughly placing his lips upon the other's.

While the seven boys celebrated Lovino's return from the land of the dead, the Italian tried to push of his attacker.

"Can't breathe!" his muffled voice sounded, and Antonio quickly let go, only to be hit square in the face.

"What the fuck, did you just kiss me?!" Lovino shrieked, his face redder than the reddest tomato.

"I'm so happy you're alive!" Antonio shouted, ignoring the other's protests and pulling him in for a hug.

"Seriously, what are you talking about?" Lovino asked nervously, not sure if he should give in to the hug or be obstinate as always.

"You were dead!" Feliciano cried, relieved that Lovino was alive once again.

"That was awesome! How did you resurrect yourself?" Gilbert asked with glimmering eyes.

"You didn't see any ghosts down there, did you?" Alfred wanted to know, petrified by the possibility.

" _C'est un miracle_!” Francis exclaimed.

"Wonderful!" Ivan smiled.

"I'm glad to see that you are all right," Kiku said, bowing.

"Don't ever die again please!" Matthew shouted, being as loud as the others and nearly crushing his plushy.

"I…was dead?" Lovino asked.

"Yes, you were!" Antonio said, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

Lovino made a tsk-sound and ripped a piece of his dress. He leant forward and started cleaning the Spaniard's cheeks.

"What are you doing?" Antonio asked, blushing.

"What does it look like?" Lovino grumbled.

Antonio grinned widely, and Lovino felt his heart skip a beat. The smile was just as beautiful as he'd remembered. While his eyes were occupied, he didn't notice Antonio getting closer. Only when their noses where about to touch, did the Italian perceive the change in distance. He blinked several times, face heating up even more (if that was even possible).

"I love you," Antonio whispered, before pulling the other in for another kiss.

And this time, Lovino didn't fight back.


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lovino and Antonio get married.

It was a big day for the kingdom. Because today, prince Lovino was going to marry prince Antonio from the neighbouring kingdom. And everybody was invited.

"Wow, what a party!" Alfred shouted as he looked at the giant wedding cake in front of him.

"Don't touch it!" Matthew said, but Alfred just stared blankly at him.

"Who are—"

"I'm your brother, Matthew," the other groaned.

Francis had found the magic mirror in the back of the room, and tried to flirt with Elizabeta. However, his attempts were soon disrupted.

"What are you doing, you little frog?" Arthur asked.

"None of your business!" Francis answered while treading his fingers through his hair and winking at the woman in the mirror.

"You know, little children shouldn't flirt with women that are out of their league," Arthur replied with a smirk.

At this, Francis got mad and started pounding on the Englishman's leg. The larger man just laughed it off, picked Francis up by the cape and dropped him in a corner.

"Reflect on your sins!"

Francis pouted and cursed Arthur's existence.

Meanwhile, Feliciano had discovered the kitchen. "Is there any pasta here?" he asked innocently.

"What are you doing here? The kitchen is not a place for little children!"

The little Italian got chased out by Yao, who quickly returned to his cooking. He and Sadik had the honour of making dinner for the royal pair and their guests. However, not long after that another kid wandered inside.

"Not again! Where are you kids coming from?" Yao sighed.

"Is there any vodka here?" little Ivan asked with a smile.

Yao groaned.

Little Gilbert had found a great guy to annoy: Roderich. He was chasing him around the castle, yelling "I am going to invade your vital regions!" until they were stopped by a menacing aura. Gilbert looked around confused, and found himself face-to-face with none other than the Swede Berwald. Gilbert ran away as fast as his legs could carry him.

Kiku had found a friend to spend his time with. Herakles was nice to talk to, and he shared Kiku's love for cats.

It could be said that all were having a great time. All? Well…

"I can't do it! Shit!" Lovino exclaimed.

He was a nervous wreck. Toris, Eduard and Raivis tried to calm him down, but nothing they did could ease his nerves.

"Why did I ever say yes? Stupid tomato bastard! And now I have to wear this wedding dress…"

His ramblings went on and on, only making him more stressed out than he was before. A light knock on the door cut of his endless stream of words. Antonio peaked his head inside. "Lovi, are you okay?"

"Of course not!" Lovino shouted, throwing a comb at his soon-to-be husband, who avoided it by the skin of his teeth.

Lovino threw himself on the bed muttering swearwords into the cushions, too upset to do anything else.

"Amigos, could you leave us alone for a while?" Antonio asked.

The Baltic Trio gladly escaped the room. Antonio quietly walked over to the bed and sat down beside his fiancé. He gently stroked Lovino's hair, and smiled when he felt the other tense up. "There is really nothing to be afraid of."

"Yes there is," was the muffled answer he received.

"If it's about the dress, it's not the first time you'll be wearing one."

"That's not it!" Lovino snapped, abruptly getting up. He fiercely looked the other in the eyes. "I just…don't want all of them looking at us…love is supposed to be something private, right?"

Antonio listened to him without interrupting.

Lovino looked at his hands, which were folded together in his lap, a cute blush on his face. "I'm just a little scared and self-conscious right now, okay?" It was really hard for the stubborn Italian to admit this.

Antonio pulled him in for a hug.

"What, you bastard! I'm being serious!" Lovino angrily tried to push him off.

"So am I," Antonio simply replied, successfully silencing the other. He freed himself from the hug and cupped Lovino's face in his hands.

"I love you. More than anything in the world. So if you're scared out there, just look at me. Only me. I will help you through it. Do you think you could do that, my little tomato? For me? For us?"

Lovino stared into Antonio's eyes. Slowly, a teasing grin graced his features. "I hate you, you stupid bastard." And he kissed him on the tip of his nose.

If it was together with Antonio, Lovino could do anything, although he would never admit it.

* * *

"WHAT?! LOVINO IS GUY?!" the children exclaimed after being informed of this fact by Elizabeta.

"Yes, aren't they the greatest couple ever?" Elizabeta drooled.

The only one who tried to protest was Gilbert, and he got hit by a frying pan.

"I can only tell the truth," Elizabeta said with a huge smile.


End file.
